How to Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety
When it comes to sex, this is something where every human gets nervous – to varying degrees.
Having sex with your girlfriend whom you’ve been dating for a year (and that you fully understand sexually already) is far less pressure and causes much less anxiety than having sex with someone new for instance…
However, nerves can hit in both instances.
Nerves and sex go hand-in-hand. While a little bit of anxiety can make things more exciting, being overly anxious and worried can completely put a clamp on your arousal, preventing you from getting it up or making you lose your erection once up.
Acceptance Of Anxiety Helps Sexual Performance
We’ve been programmed to believe that we should all be fully knowledgeable sex gods from birth or something…
I remember first having sex when I was 13 and the girl telling someone else that she “wasn’t satisfied”…
… I was 13.
No, none of us come into this world knowing about sex, and even after decades of having sex, there is always still more to learn.
Add to this the fact that we are all human… complete with a big messy gamut of emotions, and sex can be complicated situation.
Admit these two things:
- You have much to learn about
sex,and are here just to enjoy the ride
- You are excited / anxious about the situation
As soon as you stop lying to yourself about your real situation, the sooner you’ll be in tune with your real self, and this alone will weaken anxiety’s grip on your sexual situation.
Remember – She’s Here For Your Sexual Pleasure… Sex is Not a Life or Death Situation
We take the situation of sex very seriously.
She is opening up to you, both literally and completely… she is here to provide you with pleasure, and complete satisfaction.
She’s giving herself to you… at least for the moment.
You will not die if you don’t get it up. Your life will not end if you ejaculate quickly. This will not be the last time you have sex (most likely with this same girl) if you don’t make her orgasm.
Get rid of that pressure.
While there are things you can do to ensure your erections are in their best shape, ways to last longer, and ensure she has an orgasm (the clitoris is key!), just aim to get it up and get it in there… and once you become accustomed to it, then you can work out all the details.
And if she leaves because you didn’t perform like a porn star the first time you guys tried having sex? Well… she wasn’t worth much anyway.
Increase Your Level of Mental Arousal to it’s Max In Order to Overcome Any Sexual Performance Anxiety
When you have sexual anxiety, you have two competing “energy processes” going on…
Part of you is trying to become erect, aroused, and ready for sex. The other part of you — all the negative emotions such as anxiety, fear, doubt — are trying to stifle the sexual part.
What you want to do is limit, or reduce, the anxiety part of you, while working on increasing your mental arousal as much as possible.
And where the mental goes, the physical (getting an erection) soon follows.
Feeling anxious before sex is human, as we’ve established… there will always be some anxiety. But you want to strengthen the arousal process to the max, in order to overpower the anxiety.
Create a powerful flood of arousal, and a small fence of anxiety will not be enough to stop the beast you are creating.
How to Boost This Mental Arousal To It’s Max
Much of the time, younger men feel guilty about what they are thinking about the woman when she is in bed in front of them.
Use her body as a tool to become aroused. Whatever part of her body turns you on the most, stimulate it, play with it.
Get her hand and put it on your parts in the meantime. Remove any embarrassment. This is a human process that has been going on since the beginning of time.
Concentrate hard on her most arousing parts, and your body will take over.
You Can’t Force An Erection To Happen
This leads to the next part of getting over your psychological ED… actually becoming erect.
You don’t want to think about becoming erect. You can’t force or “will” an erection to happen. It’s a natural process that just needs enough sexual arousal energy to flood throughout the body for it to happen. You try and tell it to happen, and most likely the opposite will occur.
Concentrate on getting mentally aroused… not on your erection (which is most likely not an arousing topic for you).
So turn up that mental arousal to max, and the erection will kick in.
You want to make sure your physical state is in good shape as well. Cardio to get the blood flowing and proper chemicals pumping will ensure the physical backs up the mental.
Sleep well to keep T levels high, and up your Vitamin D intake – which works well to boost testosterone and erectile function.
Work With Your Arousal — Not Against It — In Order to Get an Erection While Anxious
Work in unison with your body and mind. Don’t deny anything going on (like some anxiety), and don’t try and force anything to happen… just go with the flow. While improving the physical state of your erections will help, this is a problem you need to beat in the mind first.
Take it easy, and you’ll get there.
About the Author
David Carreras is a sex researcher, author and blogger who’s been writing on natural, mental and physical methods a man can use to improve his sexual abilities for over 10 years now. He prefers natural methods over medication, as this will improve a man’s self-confidence knowing he’s not relying on an outside source. His techniques are compiled in Mr. Manpower’s Guide, and on his